Two a woman should never be never told by words a guy.

"Calm down." Are there any words in the English language as shocking? Just ask a woman. At first glance, they appear ordinary enough: A gentle reminder to have a deep breath, unwind, and gain perspective before a relationship issue snowballs. Issue is, each time a girl learns both of these words from a person, the consequences are any such thing but conciliatory. "Men are typically trained to seize control in a raised situation when woman is upset, they might reach for the phrase 'calm down ' within an effort to pacify her without knowing that they're making a bad situation worse," saysAPaul Hokemeyer, Ph.D., a New York City based licensed marriage and family counselor. Here is why some guy must never complete those two little words and just how to deal if he does.AAAIt is dismissive:ALet us say you're peeved because he asked his buddy (who you can't remain) to dinner when you thought it had been date night or you're having a heated discussion about that on-going relationship issue that never dies. He says, "calm down" but everything you hear is: "You are being irrational." It is true: In accordance with Hokemeyer, many women internalize this phrase to imply that their emotions aren't appropriate. "If she is worked up, the past thing she will want to hear is that she is out of bounds or that her feelings are inappropriate," he says. "No one desires to feel like the unreasonable party." It's unhelpful:AYes, you are upset. That's obvious, so telling you in not-so-many-words that you are angry won't do much to resolve a disagreement. Hokemeyer says "calm down" is a pat phrase that does not problem-solve since their feelings were not generally liked by people dictated. And if you are not (that) upset in the first place? Well, the argument was just elevated by him to epic proportions. It is sneaky:ASome folks use the expression to honestly attempt to diffuse an argument but others keep it as an adjustment technique, an application of reverse psychology once they are feeling weak, claims Hokemeyer, who calls the move classic projection; if a man seems angry and out of control, he will tell the lady that she's angry and out of control. When she naturally responds by becoming more agitated, their own thoughts are justified. It's full circle frustrationa'and not just a fair fight. "The guys who use it purposely have probably learned this behavior from observing it in their parent's relationship or through social messages that convey women are not capable of psychological regulation," he says. Ahem, "Real Housewives" of (pick your city). So if your man whips out this expression in the heat of the moment, what should you do? Hokemeyer includes a surprising solution: Simply agree with him. "Calmly answer by saying something similar to, 'Yes, I'm upset and my feelings are valid,'" he says. Then suggest parting methods to cool off and call a buddy to vent or get a run or walk to produce hormones, natural mood-boosting neurotransmitters. And next time you are in a tiff, don't retaliate with these two small words.

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